I’m thinking back at what happened as I entered my teenage years. Some of the events, processes and experiences are mixed up and I lost track of the order of it all. But let’s have a little recap and let me share some of the parts I do remember. A big part of it was my identity crisis that started here and haven’t quite ended yet.
At the age of 14 the scout troop as I knew it and loved started falling apart. My two leaders was exchanged for two others. One of them moved abroad for a better job offer and the other refused to continue without him. This made me consider leaving scouting for good even though it was one of the few things I’ve always been extremely passionate about. The troop was incredibly appreciative and almost depending on these two amazing leaders and it all fell a bit apart when they left. For some reason I stayed, which was definitely the better choice. The following years were great.
One autumn almost 4 years ago the young leader course I signed up for got cancelled and I was not accepting a holiday without scouting. My previous leaders then convinced my to come and join a preparation and maintenance work camp on a scout centre they were volunteering at. That week was spent in one of the most comfortable, supporting and lovely company I’ve ever had. That was the beginning of my volunteering story on an international scout Centre. Still I keep coming back for as many events as possible on this beautiful place with absolutely wonderful people. My first boyfriend was even found here and even though the romance didn’t last long he is one of my most trusted friends today.
As I was finishing school (volunteer years but necessary for university) I was looking for opportunities for what to do with my future. My eyes fell on a temporary job as a “Give-A-Year Scout”. They called me in for a job interview and even though it was quite succesful I didn’t get the job, because someone more experienced was selected. All my plans fell apart and my self-esteem and high spirits suffered as well. At this point my dad suffered from depression so I felt terrible bringing my minor struggles home to the family who had enough struggles already. I felt as though the world around me was shattering. I had no idea what to do with my self and my life.
My 8th year of 10 mandatory years was a bit of a shock to begin with. The workload increased dramatically and it seemed impossible to keep up. They started to grade our work and it gave me the feeling that my effort work determine the rest of my life. I realised later that it didn’t mean much except it was obviously good practice to learn new skills and administering own workload and time. I graduated with some of the best grades in my class however that had no direct influence on my future. My teacher recommended “gymnasium” (high school/college necessary for university), but I had my parents convince to let me take a year on an outdoor and sports boarding school. That was living in the perfect place, with the ideal options for the experiences I’ve always dreamed of, but surrounded by people who couldn’t stand me. They made my time there seem like a living passive aggressive nightmare and I just wanted to run away. My supervising teacher convinced me to stay a little longer to participate in the skiing trip to Norway. That was the beginning of the pleasant few months of that school year. Later I moved in to a different room with new roomies which was much needed and much appreciated. I felt welcome and relaxed there opposite the slight fear, tension and disrespect that filled to previous room.
Eventually I took the 3 years of education to obtain my “university ticket” that everyone expected me to get. It wasn’t that bad and I made a few great friends, learn a whole lot and graduated with beautiful grades. But university was still not something I felt ready for at the age og 20. The summer holiday was fantastic, but when it came to an end I was clueless as to what the future held for me. I’d abandoned all job searching and education hunting and suddenly everyone return to their daily life of started a new daily life and I was just stood their not knowing what next week would bring at all.
Summer 2011, photo by PVC
Facebook… An efficient tool for online interaction with friends and acquaintances, but also terrible time killer. 2008 was the year I joined at an age og 13 and since then I’ve probably way too busy posting boring and useless post that no one cared about. There’s been many ups and downs on that road, but multiple times I’ve considered deleting my account with out actually doing it. It controlled me and I didn’t like it, but I was addicted and couldn’t give it up. Was staying a member the right choice? I don’t know but believe it or not; my Facebook news feed was where I found my current job. This is the best job I could have ever imagined to do for a gap year and 14 days after initiating contact I had moved abroad and initiated this new challenge.
Pinterest… Another timekiller for a million projects and ideas, one less realistic than the other. Incredibly inspiring and equally waste of time that could have been spend completing projects instead of looking for new ones I never get to do anyways.
WordPress… A media I came across more and more in simple webpage administering, forums and blogging. A few months ago I decided to join it myself and so far I like it a lot.
Response to One-word prompt