How Close?

The One-word prompt of today is “Border” and I feel like I have a relevant post on that subject. I’ll present to you some of the borders in my reality. I recently realized that my mum is on the border of a depression and my brother is on the border of dropping out of high school. This probably affected me more than I first thought and about a week ago I was very close to quitting my own studies at uni. The pressure of constant teamwork and the dependence that comes with it was so overwhelming for me that I nearly lost faith in my future in this field. However I was relieved and proud after a surprisingly positive feedback on our work so far. I’ve regained my hope and faith in this project and my place in this field and education.

Before I were given more information I was close to reject the offer of joining the social 3-day event for my education, because I feared it would be consumed by an uncontrollable alcohol party. Luckily this was not the case, I joined in and I had a blast. It was well planed, ridiculously fun and it was great to spend quality time with all these wonderful people. When I returned I wa exhausted, but extremely happy and positively surprised how much I enjoyed myself on this little trip with my new friends and acquaintances.

IMG_20161007_192246.jpgMy Word of Angels today is “responsibility” which I take as a reminder of how I need to act on my education. No it is completely up to me what I do, when I do it and how I do it. I signed up to join these lectures and other opportunities, but I am not required to attend them. University is full of things you can do, but barely contains things you have to. You are left with choices, not duties. As long as you attend your exams, pass your subject and gain your ECTS points, you can do whatever. That means you need to step a few levels up in maturity compared to high school. I’m still working on this.

Many thoughts are appearing, disappearing and reappearing in my head. Some of them are related to my role as a mentor. Do I have the needed time, energy and commitment for it. I’m afraid that my focus on my university studies, espesially the group work is consuming all og my time and energy, so there is not enough left to taking on this role and job to a satisfying level. However this is something I’m extremely passionate about doing. What holds me back is how I feel like I need to commit and surrender to the needs and desires of my team. The last thing I want is to be the one who let down the team.

My dear friend shared some wise words with me the other day. He told me than in a group or team compromised should never be made. Instead we need to make agreements.

The One-word prompt of yesterday was realize. Which actually appealed even more to me. I’ve come to quite a few realizations recently, especially due to starting university. Sometimes I feel like are not really listening to what I’m saying and that frustrates me. But actually I realised that it’s more likely to be a matter of them not understanding me. So I need to work with how I communicate my messages to those around me.

One-word Prompt: Border

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One thought on “How Close?

  1. reflectionofdes says:

    I can understand how you got affected by family issues because I’ve experienced myself. It’s great that it didn’t completely ruin what you had going for yourself.

    Like

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