Daily Prompt: Giant

 So today’s prompt is “Giant” and what do I have to say about that? So far I just feel like the work load from university has been, well, giant. Read this, read that, research this problem just to discover 5 additional problems. Produce these worksheets about subjects you are only halfway understanding, read your e-mails and keep updated on all your deadlines. I feel tired just thinking about all this and I feel guilty when I can’t keep up with the efficiency of my project group and other co-students.

I used to be so confident in my ability and enthusiasm for this study. But it’s fading. I don’t know I should keep going or do something completely different. Right now the hardest part is our project because I feel like I’ve hid a dead end, but i don’t dare stepping back and starting over. My superviser turned sick recently and I think she’s gonna be away for a long time. Her lessons were some of my favourites and  I felt really good about talking to her. I wish I could talk to her now. Now I’m sitting here in our niche and writing blogposts instead of working, because I’m all alone and I just don’t know where to begin, where to end or whats in the middle. I feel lost on this project and I have no motivation strong enough to get started.

Once I learned a “trick” about making decisions and being in tough situations. Sometimes it’s hard to be tational, objective or openminded about your own struggles. But imagine your best friend were in your situation. What advise would you give him or her?

New reveil:

For a long time I’ve want to give myself this giant challenge of writing a book. I’ve decided that I might as well get started right away, and that’s what I have done. It’s going to be a selfhelp book about self-developement. I’m quite anxious to reveil this fact to anyone. You, my readers, are the first to know. I haven’t told anyone at all yet. Not only my closest family or my best friend. Please let me know if you have ideas to elements or sections you think should be part of this book. I am open to all suggestions.

via Daily Prompt: Giant

Milestone!

Subscriber number 10 just joined the adventure here on my blog. Thank you so much to each and every one of you for your support. You deserve to be celebrated and honored. I would love to have someone featuring my blog. I’m sure you have great ideas and important knowledge hidden within you that deserves to be shared. My idea is to do a kind of interview with one of you and post some of the answers on my blog and comment on it. I will not post anything of yours without your agreement obviously. Do you like the idea and do you want to join?

Exam and teambuilding

My first exam at uni is now passed. I didn’t master the subject at all, due to terrible preperation. I got what I deserved… if not more. I need to learn from this. Never be lazy and skip any part of the preparation. Always work hard and make sure you know your facts and methods. 
Today I hosted a teambuilding event for my co-atudents. They ssemed to enjoy it a lot, I had fun too. Afterwards rhey gave me a lot of compliment for the initiative. Those little things are big things that really make me feel happy to be part of this education. People are so helpful, supporting and friendly in general. I love to be around them!

Math and more

Wednesday is the day of my first university exam. The subject is maths and it’s not that easy. Today I made serveral pages of exercises like the one on the picture. Though I’m not completely lost in all of it I feel like there’s a long way to mastering these skills. Tomorrow the hard work will continue hopefully with some help from fellow students.
These university courses are more demanding than I initially thought. With an unstable and uneasy atmosphere at home, depression and stress threatening it’s not easy to be the super hero. I told my group I’m considering other opportunities like psychology and how the situation at home is affecting me. With some help from one of my lectors we had good talk and made a deal that I can be eased a bit from the work load. I hope and believe it will help me finding more motivation and feel less stressed over my studies. They are 4 very friendly and tolerant people, so I have faith in the future of the group. Now I just feel relieved that I’ve shared my status with somebody. 

I recommend that you open up as well when trouble is over you. You have to go through it alone.

How Close?

The One-word prompt of today is “Border” and I feel like I have a relevant post on that subject. I’ll present to you some of the borders in my reality. I recently realized that my mum is on the border of a depression and my brother is on the border of dropping out of high school. This probably affected me more than I first thought and about a week ago I was very close to quitting my own studies at uni. The pressure of constant teamwork and the dependence that comes with it was so overwhelming for me that I nearly lost faith in my future in this field. However I was relieved and proud after a surprisingly positive feedback on our work so far. I’ve regained my hope and faith in this project and my place in this field and education.

Before I were given more information I was close to reject the offer of joining the social 3-day event for my education, because I feared it would be consumed by an uncontrollable alcohol party. Luckily this was not the case, I joined in and I had a blast. It was well planed, ridiculously fun and it was great to spend quality time with all these wonderful people. When I returned I wa exhausted, but extremely happy and positively surprised how much I enjoyed myself on this little trip with my new friends and acquaintances.

IMG_20161007_192246.jpgMy Word of Angels today is “responsibility” which I take as a reminder of how I need to act on my education. No it is completely up to me what I do, when I do it and how I do it. I signed up to join these lectures and other opportunities, but I am not required to attend them. University is full of things you can do, but barely contains things you have to. You are left with choices, not duties. As long as you attend your exams, pass your subject and gain your ECTS points, you can do whatever. That means you need to step a few levels up in maturity compared to high school. I’m still working on this.

Many thoughts are appearing, disappearing and reappearing in my head. Some of them are related to my role as a mentor. Do I have the needed time, energy and commitment for it. I’m afraid that my focus on my university studies, espesially the group work is consuming all og my time and energy, so there is not enough left to taking on this role and job to a satisfying level. However this is something I’m extremely passionate about doing. What holds me back is how I feel like I need to commit and surrender to the needs and desires of my team. The last thing I want is to be the one who let down the team.

My dear friend shared some wise words with me the other day. He told me than in a group or team compromised should never be made. Instead we need to make agreements.

The One-word prompt of yesterday was realize. Which actually appealed even more to me. I’ve come to quite a few realizations recently, especially due to starting university. Sometimes I feel like are not really listening to what I’m saying and that frustrates me. But actually I realised that it’s more likely to be a matter of them not understanding me. So I need to work with how I communicate my messages to those around me.

One-word Prompt: Border

Purpose

Appreciation and gratefulness are amongst the things in life I believe to be the most important. A wise person once said: “The secret to having everything you want on your life is believing you already do.” So be thankful for all that you do have. I like this quotes amongst many others as you might already know.

AIMG_20161002_224532.jpgnother important part in sustainable happiness is knowing that you are unique and valuable. No one can substitute you and you are perfect at being you. Sure there are skills and habits you can improve, but that’s the excitement and joy of life. Even though I’ve been told multiple times that I should only ever compete with myself I do compare myself to others quite often. Then I think: “I want to be as good as this person” or “I want to do better than that person” and that becomes my motivation for improvement and developement. No matter the motivation, striving to be better is never harmful. The harm comes only if you do not accept that you are good enough already.

When I need some inspiration I sometimes draw of my mum’s “Cards of Angels” with a word. Just before going to bed I drew this one on the picture: “Purpose”. I will now be puzzling with this word in my head until I find the reason I drew it. I think there’s always a skind of lesson in this cards you need to learn. Sometimes you just to make it up yourself. My mum and my family in general has huge value for me. Therefore it’s important for me that they are happy and proud of me. Maybe pleasing them is my purpose. Do you know your purpose?

Inspired by Daily Mails: One-Word prompt