My self-esteem is currently on a fairly healthy level I believe. I do most things in my life with confidence. But both of these required a lot of reflection and hard work. I’m not perfect and I’m not even close. However I wish to help you the best I can and therefore I will share with you some of the lessons I’ve learned and the knowledge I’ve gained. I will give you my best advise, but please understand there is no miracle cure or quick fix for high self-esteem.
Here comes the best advise I can give any of you towards being in peace with who you are and loving yourself:
- Be proactive. This means act within your circle of influence to expand it. In this world you either have to act or you will be acted upon. You are in charge of your life, now do something about it. (This is also the first habit in the book I refer to in the last point)
Understanding yourself is the first step on the way to loving yourself. Personally I’ve found it helpful to have discovered my Myers-Briggs type, so I would recommend others to take the test as well. Obviously you are unique so don’t let yourself define too much as just a “type”, just let it be a way to achieve some insight and maybe also comfort you by knowing that you are not alone with your overall mindset. There’s alway someone out there who can relate to the thoughts in your head and that can be quite relieving to know.
- Think about your strengths. You know you have some strengths, give yourself some credit for them. More importantly use them, they are there for a reason!
Take some time to sit down and think about what you deeply strive to be. Write it down and set goals to become who you want to be. Then take a look on the coming week and schedule when you can work on each goal. If you stick to this plan compliment and reward yourself for it!
- Write down a personal victory every day. This will help you to open your mind for all the things you actually achieve all the time. Honestly it can be anything as long as you are proud of it. I’m happy to share my list from 2015 with you if you think that would help to inspire you.
- Your energy flows in the direction of your attention so focus on whats important and positive, then you will start to think positively automatically over time. If you also think about all the mistakes you’ve made, all the worries you have and the unfortunate events that sometimes occur in life you are never gonna be happy “A negative min will never give you a positive life”. A way I help myself to stay positive is by writing down 3 words everyday for 3 different things that made me smile that day. I have now done that for more than a month and it is truly worth looking back at.
- Remember that nobody in this world is perfect. “Errare humanum est”, but if you can see, admit and correct your mistakes you have come much further than most people and you will improve quicker than if you ignore them.
- Admit your mistakes as soon as you see them. As already explained this will make people less offensive and blaming towards you. Trust me I’m a perfectionist and I take knock backs very hard. But I’m also a very honest and self-conscious person and I do not hesitate to tell someone if I know I’ve done wrong. It sounds scary to expose yourself like that, but it’s truly worth it! Hopefully you will also find that people will respect you more for your honesty and admire your strength to be open about them. They will also know that you are addressing the problem, so it can be fixed.
- Let the people the closest to know how you feel about critique. If they know they can take it in to consideration when they have something they want to tell you. For me personally I’m hit hard by it, because I take it very personally. However it’s much easier fo me to handle if it is constructive and accompanied by a compliment.
- Surround yourself with people that makes you feel good. Your time and energy is precious. Don’t waste it on people who are not worth it. You can pick your friends yourself, no one can force you to be friends with them. “Friends are the family we get to pick ourselves”.
- Make a decision and do it! Again; your time is precious. If you think about you will quickly realise how much time can be wasted because we can’t make a decision. How often does the excessive amount of time deciding actually pay off? Rarely. Yes there are some big decision in life and those should be handled with care. But most of the decisions in life should be made in less than 3 seconds. Imagine all the time you will then have to carry your decision out in life and benefit from it. The other aspect of this advise is stick to your decision. When you’ve made the choice you should hold on to that and act upon it.
- Meditate. The purpose of meditation is to let go of thoughts and feelings so you can concentrate and focus. There’s so many different ways to meditate and I truly believe there’s a way for everyone if they are open to it. Begin with focusing on your breath. No matter where you are or what you do you always have the possibility to use your breath as the anchor for your meditation. Read a book about meditation if you need some help and guidance to get started. I’m currently reading “The power of meditation” by Sharon Salzberg which I can recommend to anyone who would like to get started with meditation.
- Keep a journal. What ever you decide to write in your journal is completely up to you. I suggest that you keep it positive and take into consideration that whatever you write down, should be worth reading again. Personally I made a kind of scheme that I fill in everyday. It consist of the following points: Date, steps taken, calories burned, (distance and duration of run), 3 things that made me smile, things I learned/realised, a personal victory, a quote and a plan/goal.
Read “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” and learn these habits. The habits are:
BE PROACTIVE: Act instead of being acted upon. Take initiative. You are in charge of your life. Expand your circle of influence.
BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND: Realise who you want to be. Write a mission statement, set goals according to it and then plan how to reach them.
PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST: Focus on what’s important, not urgent activities and invest time in them, without neglecting whats important and urgent.
THINK WIN/WIN: No one needs to lose, everyone can win if you set your mind to it.
SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD: Listen before and more than you speak.
SYNERGIZE: Work together to reach better results for both.
SHARPEN THE SAW: Renew and improve yourself physically, socially/emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
The list above is my advise to you. It is not a flawless recipe to a perfect life. You might find that some of the advise is not useful for you at all. Pick and chose from it exactly as you like. If you have anything to add yourself, please share!
I hope this helps some of you. I truly hope that you will improve your self-esteem and boost your confidence, because you deserve it guys! Questions are more than welcome!